Would we let them kill our younger selves?
Category: Love Yourself
The Coat of Me
What color is my coat?
Green?
No. I do not like green.
But is it magic? Yes.
Wool? No.
Waterproof? Yes, when it needs to be.
Hurt-proof? Yes, when it can be.
(For without water or hurt, we do not grow.)
Warm? In winter or when I want it to be.
Buttons? Yes. Big FUN buttons.
What does it remind me of? My mom.
How does it make me feel? Authentic.
The best thing about it? It is my only coat! I don’t need twelve.
It has an endlessness to it. A timelessness. I wore it young and I wear it old. It is young Kathryn. Old Kathryn. All Kathryns: Daughter. Sister, Wife, Mom. Friend. ‘Nonna’ (grandmother).
My coat is like a second skin.
Aching to not sin.
Or break shins.
It is committed to begin
Living an open, shutterless life on the Island of Gunga Din.
Which is not real, but it could be. Why not?
My coat mon manteau, mon peau (my coat, my skin)
Wakes as me in the morning.
She has beautiful intentions. Her day is hers.
And then, one by one, her buttons fall off. Her pockets tear.
Wait. I was just there.
Where?
There. With dark hair. That was then. This is now.
My coat and my hair have lost their luster. Did the magic coat lose its magic? No. It lost its way. But that’s okay.
Because
It will be back.
Today.
The coats in the top image are from Pexels Free Images. Thank you!
The Imposter Syndrome
“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” ~ Oscar Wilde
Kindness
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~ Plato
Kindness. What is it? Is it a thing? No. It’s an attitude. Or an aptitude. Kindness is something we have or we don’t. But if we don’t have it naturally, it’s hopefully something we can learn.
It can be one of those things you learn at home. Your mom and dad might have been kind. Or not. We have some much baggage from our families, don’t we? I know I do. We take the good things and mistrust them. We take the bad things and dwell on them. It’s almost impossible to see how people grow up to be kind, even if they don’t have it modeled for them as children. But they do. Somehow, there are many people who understand Plato’s sentiment. We are all fighting this battle called life. We need to treat each other with the kindness of a soft bunny.
Wouldn’t that be a lovely world to inhabit? I wonder how that would be. I am hoping to find out by starting to be kinder to myself. Selfish? I don’t think so. I think I would treat people more kindly if I had a softer spot for my spirit to enjoy.
Kindness is easier if we’re grateful. For more on being grateful, check out my blog on enough.
Thank you. Kindly.
Purpose
Someone in the audience asked, “How do you know you’re living your life’s purpose?” Good question! How DO we know? Here were the answers from others in the room:
“No other place I’d rather be.”
“I’m happy.”
“I’m in a state of flow.”
“It feels like I’m being me.”
The women’s group in our neighborhood met to share business ideas and to talk about ourselves. Our SELVES. What do we fear? What do we seek? What do we need to feel like we are living our life’s purpose? How do we say “no”? As in NO. How do we protect our obliging, pleasing selves (many women fall into this category because of our role model moms) so we can live our life’s purpose on purpose?
Mark Twain said, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
Sometimes the way we can be our best selves and find our purpose is to set boundaries. So sometimes we have to say “No.” Or say a qualified, controlled yes. “Tuesday after 3PM for thirty minutes.” We want to give our gifts to the people who will grow from our knowledge, our skillsets, and our experiences. This is another quote:
The meaning of life is to discover your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. ~ Pablo Picasso.
We are here to do unto others. But not at the expense of our selves. Or we will have nothing to give. We must find out why we are here, per Mark Twain. Then we need to give our gift — perhaps it is our purpose — to the rest of humanity. One at a time, or in a group, or through blogs. Like this one.
The same woman asked, “Can you have more than one purpose?”
I believe we can have more than one purpose. What do you believe?
Flip
The calendar doesn’t care.
Its pages flip. The new day comes into view. If it’s a plain daily calendar, it’s not much fun. The best calendars are those big monthly calendars with images that take your breath away. The ones that make you smile, even sigh at how beautiful they are. Some are sweeping vistas of romantic places. Some are such unique animals that you question if they really exist. Calendars do this on purpose, so you don’t have to suffer as much with your life’s passing.
I have a favorite calendar. It’s from Paper Source, and I buy one every year. Without looking at the summary of images on the back, I carefully hang the calendar on the wall directly across from my work desk. Like a little kid, I wait to the first day of the new month before turning the page. Never do I look ahead. In fact, it’s like peeking at Christmas presents before it’s Christmas. As in,”Mom, tell me where the Christmas presents are hidden, so I don’t find them by mistake.”
This tiny ritual aims to keep me from the frustration I feel with the swift passage of time. “The days are long, but the years are short,” says Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project. It’s crazy how right she is.
But alas, I am feeding my own angst. I look forward to flipping the page so I can see the new image. As I view the same image every day for three weeks, and then four, I almost will the month to be over. But then when I flip the page, I see what has transpired.
Time is slipping through the continuum.
The calendar looks me in the eye and starts asking the hard questions, “What did you accomplish last month?” or “What do you have to show for the first three months of this year, not that it is one-fourth (!) over?” Or “This time last year you said you would have ____________ (fill in the blank) done. Did you do it?”
The calendar doesn’t care.
I told you that already. But it certainly has a gift for asking the profound questions — the questions that drive you nuts.
So as you flip the page of your calendar, pause to see what you have accomplished. Keep your fingers crossed. Maybe next month, you will have some good news for her. If not, there will be a pretty picture to greet you, and you can smile, sigh, carry on, and either gird yourself for self-recrimination or prepare yourself for joy when you reach to do next month’s flip.
FINISH IT!
You: “Who me? Are you talking to me?”
Your conscience: “YES. You. You have started a lot of things. Let’s finish one.”
You: “How?”
Your conscience: “I am SO glad you asked. Take a moment and write down all the reasons you can’t finish. If you need help, I have a short source for you to check out”:
You: “Wait. That’s not me in the photo!”
Your conscience: “It could be. It’s time to finish your thing — whatever it is before, well, you know.”
You: “That’s not fair! I’m busy.”
Your conscience: “Look through this PDF. We think you will find a few pages that can help you see what you’re afraid of, and how to fix it!”