Author: Kathryn Atkins

Writing As Meditation

 

PICT2229.JPG
Rodin’s “Thinker”

I recently re-started meditating and I now believe that writing counts as meditation. Some people might disagree, but I feel that when you are truly on the page, paused waiting for the next word to come, or lingering while your character makes a decision, that moment is indeed a meditation. Cobble those moments together, and the result achieves a similar after-glow to a good meditation session.

There’s a quiet that infuses the heart. It’s a peacefulness of knowing you’re in the right place and that you are not anywhere else. That, to me, is meditation, and that, to me is the meditation of writing. Here’s the Merriam Webster definition:

 

med·i·tate

1: to engage in contemplation or reflection

2: to engage in mental exercise (as concentration on one’s breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness

That last phrase  is the sense of the word that applies to writing. Although some meditators would disagree that writing can be meditation, I would argue that we writers—when in the throes of creating prose—absolutely reach a heightened spiritual awareness.

It’s why I write.

On the other hand, a true meditative state invoked by breathing or repetition of a mantra, or other physical, psychic stillness, can create quite another type of spiritual awareness. There are levels, varieties, and indeed, nuances. Liken it to one of your favorite recipes: using the exact same ingredients, the end result may differ a tiny bit each time you make it, based on the freshness of the components, or the weather, or the occasion, and maybe even, the company. It’s not imperfectly different—it’s just different.

Some meditators I’ve studied actually allow the meditation of doing, the meditation of working, the meditation of exercise. I offer and support as witness, the meditation of writing. I submit that if you’re in the groove of your writing, and if you set your intention toward achieving that heightened awareness, writing is as restorative as any breathing meditation.

Some writing sessions produce Shakespeare; some barely reach Dick and Jane. We are not alone in this. Olympian wannabes break the record on a given day’s practice only to be barred from tryouts a week later. But, they continue to drill and train every day. Hopefully, we write every day. We meditate into our writing or we write into the spaces in our brain where the quiet places reside. It is peaceful there. Writing is meditation if you let it be, even on those awful Dick and Jane days.

Book Synopsis

Death Calendar ImageDo you want to know when you will die? My book is about a computer hacker who finds a huge database with every single person’s FUTURE death date on it. He sells the dates and gets rich, but other people want to profit from this “deathlist.”

This book is part action, part religion, part philosophy, part good vs. evil . . . and mostly true.

How else do you explain the crazy times people die? 

© 2016 Kathryn Atkins

Death Isn’t Just Beautiful — She’s HOT

Deathlist excerpt:

She was wearing a black dress with a plunging neckline and an air-light shawl. Her hair sparkled with tiny, exquisite diamonds. They looked real. Her wide, sensuous mouth and perfect teeth smiled at the gray-haired gentleman seated next to her at Table 16. Harold got up from his table and started to go over for a closer look, but she casually turned away, her back denying identification, and all he found when he arrived at Table 16 was a napkin with lipstick stains and the guy who had been sitting next to her face down in his watercress soup. Harold wondered if he were dead or just sleeping. Old people sometimes fall asleep at dinner. Without stopping to double-check, Harold could see no rise and fall of the man’s back. So the man wasn’t breathing. He was dead.

© 2016 Kathryn Atkins

Skulls at the Museum

As we rounded the corner at the bottom of the dark stairs, the person in front of us stopped so quickly we ran into him.  He sucked his breath in, and turned to leave, but there was no where for him to go. He was stuck. The skulls grinned with vacant eyes, but we knew they knew we knew they were long dead. But still. Why the grin? Did they think the man was silly? Or was it something else?

Death wears a smile because she knows. She knows when and how, although it is not she that decides either one. She knows when because it is her job to execute. She knows how it is to happen, but she does not decide how it happens. Her job is to execute according to the plan. She smiles because she likes her job most days. She wears chic clothes, expensive shoes, and get-out-of-my-way hats when the mood strikes her.

The skulls grin because it’s over. They’re done. Life has been well, life. There’s no more struggle. No more scratching for food, pondering the future, regretting the past. There’s nothing at all to do, but smile. Vacantly. Still. Completely still. It’s their job.

When you go next time to one of those museums, take a look. You’ll see. And you will realize that there is no way to know how each of those people lived. Were they happy? Were they rich? Were they famous? They’re not telling. It’s not their job, and it’s really none of our business. Isn’t that amazing?

Death Is Not Random

Death is not random. It just looks like it. Freak accidents. Chance missteps. Absurd consequences of non-events.

Death Calendar ImageBirth is not random. Looks like it but it’s not! How’d you get here, then? Of all the little eggs that don’t get fertilized down there, How…Did… YOU…Come…To…Be?

Planning, I tell you, planning.

It’s the same on the other end. Your death is as planned as your life. The slots are all there, waiting to be filled. Yours was waiting to be filled by you when your egg and sperm met in a specifically non-random mating of DNAs. It was a carefully planned time. It had to be. Why would anything as important as your life be a result of a capricious, haphazard encounter?

So if you accept that the beginning of YOU was very well planned, then you should be able to agree that the end of you is also. You were not present for the beginning. You didn’t know your birthdate. And you cannot know your death date…yet. But what if you could? What…If…You…Could… know when you were going to die?  What would you do with that information?

So Now We Know

We thought we would like knowing. In fact everyone that knew liked knowing at first. But now it’s a little weird. It’s strange knowing when your sister is going to die.  It’s simply surreal when people boarding planes are asked if they know.

It is difficult to cope now that you know when your spouse will die. Yes you knew they would. But now you when. It’s horrifically different.

People that know wish they didn’t. People that know find ways to pretend they don’t after all. Everyone is on edge.

Some people plan for it. They stage big going away parties, like they are moving, or retiring. Some people blaze down their bucket lists with heavy black check marks next to the cities and countries they have always wanted to see, the activities they’ve wanted to experience, the lives they’ve wanted to live.

Other people watch TV shows to engage with their lists. But they feel better about it, somehow, now that they’ve taken time to turn on the shows. Before they just talked about it.

Tasting and feeling and loving and living become more important for some. In fact, the wealthy people spend their time spending their wealth. At the same time, the poor people don’t do much differently, because they do not know when they will die. They cannot afford it. Or perhaps they don’t even know they can know.

The greedy people swoop. Like they do. And they make a mess of things. That hasn’t changed.

But now that we know, we change. Because it’s different now. Very different.

What Would You Do If You Knew?

I sometimes wish I knew when I was going to die. I’d make different plans. Maybe I’d travel more, worry less. Why worry? What’s to worry about if something can’t kill you? Well, I have thought about that. Living in a mangled body would suck.

Severing one’s fear of death would take one thing off the list. Hah. I don’t worry about dying. I know that I will. Now I can know when. Ah, but the biggie is knowing how. Don’t know that yet. Maybe that’s for later science… hacking the “HOW” code, now that we’ve cracked the “WHEN” code. But does taking that ‘when’ question out of the equation help?

I wonder what a doctor would do for me if he or she knew I was going to die in two days? They certainly wouldn’t need to go to extremes to save my life. If saving my life weren’t the goal, think of how much money I could save! The doctors would be much better off concentrating on making my last two days fun and restful rather than splitting me open and taking stuff out, to no avail. I’d prefer being comfortable, thanks.

Meanwhile, what would I do if I knew I were going to die FOR SURE next Thursday? Hop a plane to Paris for three days. Then Venice. Yes. Venice. Florence? Why not? If I could squeeze it in.

That’s it for now. If my date to check out is not next Thursday, then I’ll stick around here for awhile.

What about you? Where would YOU go?

What would you do if you knew?